caz963 | WW Ficlet: Syntactical Pedantry - Josh, Sam

Here’s a little something written for

ww_renaissance, where we’ve been re-watching In the Shadow of Two Gunmen.

Usual disclaimers – These guys ain’t mine (and oh, how I hate having to say that about Josh!) – they’re Aaron’s.

Thanks to

christinekh for the read through.

Syntactical Pedantry

“So,” Josh said as he handed Sam a beer. “I got a new assistant today.”

Sam frowned as he looked up from his reading. “A new - ?” He took the proffered bottle. “Did you have an old assistant?”

Josh paused for a split second before flopping down into his chair. “Funny.”

“No, seriously. To have a ‘new’ something, you have to have had an ‘old’ something otherwise the ‘new’ is redundant.”

“Sam.”

“And I don’t recall your having an ‘old’ assistant, ergo, it stands to reason that you can’t have a ‘new’ one. Is all I’m saying.”

Josh took a swig of beer and found, to Sam’s amazement, space on his incredibly messy desk to put up his feet.

“I can’t believe I forgot how pedantic you can be at times.”

“It’s not pedantry. It’s good syntax.”

“Whatever; it’s still dork-like.”

Sam shrugged and settled back to the draft he was annotating. “It’s why I’m paid to write and you’re not.”

Josh made a noise that sounded suspiciously like ‘hmpf’ before he leaned back in his chair and took another drink while Sam continued to read and scribble notes.

The silence lasted less than a minute.

“Remind me again why you’re in here?”

Sam sighed and looked up. “Because Toby’s trying to finish the new speech.”

“And he doesn’t need you for that?”

“I’d prefer not to be within throwing distance.”

“Huh?”

“According to him, my sentences are too long and – you know, he has serious issues with punctuation.”

Josh snorted. “One can have serious issues with punctuation?”

“Toby can.”

Josh rolled his beer bottle between his hands. “He’s okay, Sam, really. Well actually,” he scratched the back of his head, “no, he can be a real son of a bitch, but it’ll be fine once you get to - ”

Sam waved a hand. “Yeah.” Then he flipped shut the pad he’d been using and dropped it to the floor. “So, you were saying,” he began, taking a swig of his beer.

“Hm?”

“About this new assistant of yours.”

Josh smirked. “The one I can’t have because I didn’t have an old one?”

Sam opened his mouth to speak – and paused. Then he said resignedly, “This assistant of yours then.”

“What about her?”

“She’s not that really scary woman with the crazy hair that came in here with the bag of knitted Bartlet for America hats is she?”

“What? No.” Josh’s expression changed suddenly to one of bewilderment. “Hang on. Someone came in here with a bag of hats?”

“Yeah. You should have seen CJ’s face. The woman wouldn’t leave until someone had tried one on.”

Josh chuckled and Sam grinned back. “I told CJ I thought she looked cute in it, but I don’t think she appreciated the compliment.”

“No?”

“Well, she hit me with it.”

“Ah, then I guess you were right.”

Sam nodded and took another drink. “Anyway. This - assistant.”

“Oh, yeah.” Josh leaned back in his chair, a huge smile spreading across his face. “I walked in here this afternoon and found her answering my phone. You know,” he snickered, “she tried to tell me she was assigned to me – but then admitted she wasn’t; told me she was a PoliSci graduate – then admitted she wasn’t; tried to convince me her boyfriend hadn’t dumped her after she’d paid his way through medical school and – what?”

Sam was staring at him, looking more than slightly horrified. “This is the assistant? God, Josh, I think you’d have been better off with the scary woman with the hats.”

Josh swung his feet down, still chuckling as he pulled himself into his desk. “Oh, that’s not the half of it. She had five majors and two minors in two years, dropped out of college to support the freeloading boyfriend - ”

Sam leaned forward. “Josh,” he said, emphatically. “You’re not serious. Really. You didn’t just hire some woman who walked in off the street?”

Josh blinked at him mid-swig. “See,” he set the bottle down. “Here’s the thing. I didn’t actually … I mean, she sort of hired… Sam, she’s - ”

Sam shook his head. “Oh, God.”

“What?”

“You’re a bit young for this, but I guess…”

Josh frowned. “Young for what? What are you talking about?”

“Well, sometimes, as men approach middle-age - ”

“Hey! I’m not - ”

“Yeah, well, like I said, it’s a bit early for a mid-life crisis, but not out of the question.”

“You sure you’re not a woman? Or, you know, my mother?”

“I’m just sayin’ – maybe your judgement was swayed by the fact she’s…”

“She’s what?”

Sam sank back into his seat. “I don’t know. Unless… wait. She’s not that blonde I saw packing those boxes outside earlier?”

Josh nodded. “So?”

“Josh.” Sam sighed, exasperatedly. “Seriously, you haven’t - ”

“Haven’t what?”

“Hired a girl because she’s…”

“A girl?”

“Well, yes, and because she’s…”

“Blonde? Pretty? What?”

“All of the above!”

“No.”

“No?”

“No,” Josh insisted firmly.

“So let me get this straight.” Sam leaned forward. “You hired an assistant.”

“Well, the who hired whom is debatable, but for the sake of argument, yes I did.”

“Okay. And you didn’t ask for an assistant and she wasn’t assigned to you.”

“No. Although,” Josh waved his hand around the tiny, cluttered room. “It’s not as though I don’t need one.”

“That, while true, is beside the point.”

“’kay.”

Sam frowned at Josh’s barely disguised amusement. “So this assistant – who you did not request, and who was not assigned to you – walked into your office, answered your phone and talked you into giving her a job.”

“Basically?” Josh shrugged. “Yes.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“So many have said.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Does Leo know?”

“Yes.”

“And he’s okay with it?”

“He’s fine. And in any case, she’s a volunteer.”

“She’s going to put up with you and not get paid for it?”

Josh sat up, indignantly. “I’m not that bad.”

“You’ll drive her nuts within a month.”

“Oh, thanks. With friends like you…”

Sam smiled. “All part of the service.”

“But Sam, the thing is ...” Josh said, his manner suddenly serious. “There’s just… I don’t know. I mean, she drove here from Wisconsin because she wanted to be part of this. She saw the Governor on TV and wanted to do something to help. And she just got in her car and drove a thousand miles. That takes - guts or … something.”

Sam eyed him suspiciously.

“Anyway,” Josh sniffed, “she’s already figured out my filing system and has threatened to change it -”

“You have a filing system?”

“I think that’s the change she’s planning on.”

“Ah.”

“And she’s organized my calendar, packed all the files we’re going to need in Charleston - ”

“We?”

“Huh?”

“She’s coming to Charleston?”

“Yeah. There’ll be plenty for her to do, and I think she’ll be,” he paused, the ghost of a smile on his face. “Valuable.”

Sam picked up his pad, stood up and stretched. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

“She’s a nice kid, Sam,” Josh said softly, looking up. “And I just thought…” he pursed his lips and shrugged. “I thought she deserved a chance.”

Sam smiled and nodded. “Okay.” He sighed. “Well. I’d better go see how Toby’s doing.”

Josh leaned back and quirked an eyebrow. “If he throws stuff at you give him a hat.”

“Yeah,” Sam rolled his eyes. “‘cause that’ll really help things along.” He turned to leave. “Thanks for the beer.”

“No problem.” Josh inclined his chin. “Oh, and Sam?” he called after his friend as he left the room. “You really don’t need to worry. When have you ever known me to go for blondes?”

End.