caz963 | This week's daft educational initiatives

So this week, I found out that not only do I have to teach kids how to read music and remind them to learn their French vocabulary - I'm supposed to be on Terrorist Watch as well.

Yes folks, because we teachers have so much time on our hands during the normal thirty-two hour day, those on high have decided that we are to (as the article says) double as spies and look out for any pupils that we think might become extremists.

This involves teachers consulting a 47-page checklist of measures to help identify and counter signs that pupils have fallen under the influence of fanatical views.

These signs range from checking whether pupil graffiti betrays the influence of extremism to monitoring pupils' downloads from the internet. Each school is to have a nominated teacher to whom pupils can turn if they have concerns about the influence of extremist groups.

Teachers are also told they should be ready to counter extreme arguments and should encourage debates to challenge such views.
(From this article at BBC Education.)

One of the things the Learning together to be Safe initiative suggests we do is this -

to invite the child to 'learn about emotional needs and consequences of actions'. (translation - "blowing people up makes other people unhappy and is therefore a BAD thing to do"??) Then, at the same time that they consider 'the need for involvement of external partners' (ie, calling the police), teachers might want to 'sensitively monitor continuing behaviours', presumably without alerting the child in question that he or she is being sensitively monitored.

Are they fucking kidding me? If I'd wanted to be a Spook, I'd have joined MI6.

Potential terrorists (because this new "guidance" extends to kids as young as five) watch out. Because when miss has finished the marking, she'll be surreptitiously checking your desk for the stash of kalashnikovs her mole in class two told her your six year old sister has hidden there.

ETA - best comment so far to the Grauniad piece -
Instead of teachers being recruited as spies, maybe we should recruit spies as teachers.

That way we can have teachers that know human behavior, can bug the room for mobile phone signals, booby trap every desk and issue spring-loaded poisoned pens to stop the little angels chewing on them.

Great idea. Where do I sign up, then?

And as if that weren't enough, the weeks' second initiative is that, in addition to being judged on exam performance and test results, schools will now be scrutinized to see how well they "promote pupils' well-being."

The idea is that every school must collect data (yes, even more data!) to measure what they are doing to improve pupils' physical, moral and mental health.

Naturally, this data will be checked by the education inspectorate, Ofsted. This immediately makes it high-stakes data rather than just a self-evaluation checklist.

So what sort of things will schools now have to do?

Well, in addition to the extensive data on test and exam performance, and the statistics on attendance and exclusions, schools will now have to provide information on the percentage of pupils who are 'persistent absentees', that is those who have missed more than one lesson in five.

They will also have to count: the number of pupils doing at least two hours of PE and sport; the numbers taking school meals; and the numbers staying-on in education after age 16.

(BBC Education again.)

And it doesn't end there. Oh no. We'll also have to do surveys of parents and pupils to find out how they think we're doing in promoting healthy lifestyles, whether the school discourages the use of drugs and alcohol (by the kids - I'd think we'll be the ones to need it given this extra burden), whether we offer good sex education. (Reminds me of the note on the back of the staffroom door at school #2 informing us about the year 11 girl who has just returned from maternity leave); do the kids feel safe and protected from bullying, do they enjoy school etc. etc.

The DFES has repeatedly emasculated the teaching profession - why don't they just put a gun to our heads and put us out of our misery?

Needless to say, I laughed my arse off at the following paragraph -

the government acknowledges that pupils' well-being is not entirely a matter for schools and teachers. It is shared by local authorities and, above all, by parents.

Oh. Yeah. Thanks.

I'd be the first to accept that pupils' well-being should of course be something that the school and teachers care about and take an active role in promoting. But in that case - why are we going to be the ones who are judged by parents, kids (and Ofsted)? Surely the greatest responsibility for children's well-being lies with their parents. They are the ones who should be looking after their kids' diet, they're the ones who should be making them feel secure and loved, they're the ones who should be talking to them about sex when the time comes etc. etc. Yes, of course I know there are a lot of parents out there who don't give a shit - but then in that case, the government should be subjecting them to all these tests and surveys, rather than dumping them on a group of already hard-pressed and rule-bound professionals, many of whom are having enough problems teaching these kids to read, write and add up, without all these extra boxes to check.

We are so completely screwed.