caz963 | I'm sad and owning up to it :(

This has been on my mind for a few days but I've been trying not to think about it because, really, how pathetic am I that I'm still 'in mourning' over a week later?

But I often say that I find writing theraputic, so last night I told myself to stop being such a wimp, because this is my LJ, and I can be as pathetic and whiny as I want - and I remembered that are friends out there who will understand all too well just how I feel, even if they're not fans of the same show.

I think I met most of the people on my f-list through a shared love for The West Wing and the works of Aaron Sorkin. That show ended over three and a half years ago (blimey!) and I remembered yesterday that a lot of us back then talked about how sad we were when WW ended and said how much it felt like we were grieving for a departed friend. And I suppose that's what's some TV shows do become to some of us - friends. I don't watch a lot of telly, but I do tend to become invested in the few shows I do get the time for, and there have been the odd one or two that have been a real wrench for me when they ended. I think the first show I felt that way about was Bablyon 5; after that, and on a much larger scale, it was West Wing. Now though, it's not a show - it's a character. Which makes me feel even weirder, because the show itself hasn’t ended.

I loved Doctor Who as a kid. I remember Patrick Troughton and Jamie being chased by Yetis; and the Ice Warriors (they should have been brought back!) and Daleks in black and white - but my doctor was unquestionably Jon Pertwee. He regenerated into Tom Baker after three years, and I liked him as well, but he wasn’t my doctor in the same way that Pertwee had been. Then Peter Davison came along, and I liked him, too. He, of course, was already a very well-known TV actor, and although he was the youngest Doctor ever, he still managed to make the part his own. I confess I rather lost touch with the show when Colin Baker took over. Not necessariy because I disliked him, but I think that was around the time the Beeb began to try to kill the show off and started to mess with the timeslot. It also, I think, co-incided with my leaving University and starting work, and the new weekday timeslots just didn’t work for me. So I missed most of the 6th and 7th Doctors, although I do remember tuning in to see the final episode in 1989.

Then, in 1996, there was an attempt to revive the show with the one-off TV movie, and even though I’d not regularly watched the show since the early 80s, I was still excited about it and made a point of watching. I think I even have the video still around somewhere! Sadly, it didn’t regenerate successfully – which is a great shame, because Paul McGann’s performance and interpretation of the character were really very good.

But finally, in 2005, it came back in a new format with a new doctor and a new creative team. I didn’t know much about RTD other than that he’d written stuff like Bob and Rose and Casanova, both of which I liked a lot. I was surprised at the choice of Christopher Eccleston for the title role – he’s a fantastic actor, but I always think of him as more of an “arthouse” type… although there was Cracker, I suppose. Anyway, it was a good choice and I think the right decision to bring back the programme with a well-known and respected actor in the lead role.
Even though by this time I was ‘sensible and grown up’ (shut-up… you know I’m looking at you!) and had kids of my own, it didn’t matter. Doctor Who was something I’d grown up with and there was never a doubt that I’d be watching.

I did. And I loved it. Having the ‘one story a week’ (mostly) format instead of the old 4 and 6 part serials worked well, Eccleston was fab and even Billie Piper, about whom I’d had my doubts – was good.

I knew of course that Eccleston had only signed on for one season – that was in the papers as the first episode aired! And I really had no idea who the next doctor was going to be. I know, I know… God knows what planet I was on(!), but the usual round of speculation went on about who would be taking on the part and whether it would be a woman etc. – so I was very pleasantly surprised when Eccleston turned into David Tennant, who I’d seen and loved in Casanova.

So. ~~Barcelona~~ Ten.

I’ve said this other places, but I’ll say it again. I think that even people like me, who grew up with the show and have watched all or most of his other incarnations - have grown to love Ten in the same way that we loved our first doctor, whoever that was. I have no hesitation in saying that from now on, he’ll always be my doctor, and blimey, is it tough to let go? I knew I’d be upset when he left, but I’m far more than that, which is very unexpected to say the least.

And no, it’s not (just) because David Tennant is sex-on-a-stick (heh!) He’s incredibly talented and gorgeous to boot, so I can’t imagine he’ll ever be out of work unless he wants to be.

But he gave us this amazing character. Mercurial, guilt-ridden, funny, ruthless, brilliant, self-absorbed (sometimes), childlike, witty, loving, arrogant, bursting with enthusiasm and energy… with a big heart (or two) and a grin to match. (And the sexy specs and the hair and that oh, so kissable pout. /shallow). There have been so many good analyses of his character written that I’m not even going to attempt it, but the format and the writing in the new version of Who allowed Tennant (a self-confessed Who-geek) to explore so many of the facets of the Doctor’s character that hadn’t been seen before.

So I’m grieving for this wonderful, damaged ~~man~~ character who so needed a mate. Someone with whom to share all the wonders of the universe – and someone who would stop him when he went too far.

And I miss him like hell already.

ETA - there was a Nine episode on tonight. I said to the kids just that Doctor Who was on, and my ten-year-old daughter said, "I hope it's not David Tennant - that would make me too sad."

*wibble*

I’m also a bit apprehensive regarding Series 5. They’ve re-designed the logo, the TARDIS is getting a re-fit (unsurprisingly, since Ten’s regeneration ripped it to bits) and I read that Murray Gold (who I was pleased to learn is staying on as composer) is re-vamping the theme music (again). Is there some kind of need on the part of the new team to ‘distance’ itself from the old? I get that people want to make changes from time to time and put their own stamp on something, but I hope it’s not change for change’s sake. I don’t want my doctor to have disappeared completely, even if he looks different. Each actor will of course approach the role and play it differently (I have no wish to watch someone trying to “pull a Tennant”!) but the rest of 'em are supposed to be in there somewhere and I hope that the handover to a different team won’t mean that the past five years will be shunted to one side. We won’t see Donna again, for example, but I don’t want to get the feeling that the Doctor has forgotten her. His body regenerates, but he doesn’t lose his memory and all the feelings that went with it.

And I’d hate to think that we won’t see Cybermen or Daleks – or the Master - again.

I’m not putting this very well – but I just hope that it won’t turn out to be a completely different show with the same title, rather than the same show with a different actor in the title role. And that doesn’t make any sense either. Maybe it’s just me being overly pessimistic because I’m still upset that Ten’s gone. Hopefully, I’ll be looking at this post in a few months time and re-reading it through my fingers and wondering how I could have been so pathetic. That, or re-reading it from behind the sofa.

I wish Matt Smith all the luck in the world – he’s got some incredibly big shoes to fill, and I hope he pulls it off.

Even as I hit post, I’m still telling myself off for being pathetic and that I’m old enough to know better. But I’m not f-locking it, even though I feel stupid, because I’m hoping that there are other, likeminded softies out there who want to come and mourn with me.

Allons-y!