Single Father, ep 2

[caz963]

Thinky thoughts, in no particular order.



Is it just me who thinks that Dave's being a bit of a selfish prat? He's dropping balls everywhere and has just been lucky (so far) that he's got people round him who are around to help pick them up. He gets so engrossed in Rita's diaries that he forgets to go to work, then forgets to pick the kids up from school - and later, he expects to be able to dump them on someone else with barely a moment's notice when he wants to. Maybe that's where Tanya gets it from... And although she's a bit of an air-head, I did think that he went off at her a bit unfairly about the photos. If he's supposed to be training her, then he needs to be there to actually train her, rather than give her something to do and then bawl her out when she doesn't do it properly. Mind you, I think that telling off was Dave on the defensive; he knew he should have been around so he's feeling guilty and takes that out on her as well.

The developing romance with Sarah still feels a bit uncomfortable - especially when he was making arrangements to get rid of the kids for the night so he could get his end away. And when he said he "hoped" someone had Evie, I wanted to smack him and yell at him to bloody well find out!

(Although of course, David Tennant being all coy and uncertain around a woman is very cute :-) And him grabbing her with intent(*g*) is damn hot!)

I get that he's still dealing with Rita's death and now he's got what he learned from Stuart to process as well - or perhaps I should say that he's NOT dealing with it. My impression is that Dave's going to have to wake up soon and get his priorities straight. What Michelle said when she arrived with a poorly Evie - welcome to life as a single parent (or words to that effect) - was spot on. When there are two of you, parenting kids is a tough thing to do at times - but when you're on your own, it's even harder and there's even less "me" time. Anyone with kids knows that having sex when they're in the house can be a tricky business ;-) And when they're ill, forget it! Dave should have known that when your kids are ill, any plans you may have will go straight out the window.

I'm not saying that he's not allowed to have a life and have a relationship - but he needs to get himself organised and put the kids first for a while instead of just lurching from one crisis to the next. I mean, one of his sons is so desperate for his father's attention that he smashes himself in the ankle with a hammer just so he can be at the centre of things for a while. That doesn't bode well.

That said - as a portrait of a guy who's far from perfect, who's a bit of a mess and who is struggling to cope and adjust to the fact that he's now the sole carer of four kids, it's working brilliantly.

The scene were Dave met Stuart (Rupert Graves - yay!) was the best of the episode. Yes, even better than watching David Tennant taking his shirt off, although that may have melted my brain.

But it was again David's face that did everything in that scene. He said hardly anything - and didn't need to, because it was all there, plain to see. Shock and betrayal and disbelief and about a hundred other emotions playing across that lovely face and providing yet another sucker-punch.

I thought it was beautifully played - absolutely note perfect, both of them.

So... Stuart knows all about Rebecca/Lucy - but had no idea about Dave or the other kids. Rita told Lucy she was the product of a one-night-stand and that she didn't know who Lucy's father was (I think?) - and never told Dave the truth.

The plot thickens.

Anna continues to be rather poisonous, although it's clear that she thinks she's acting for the best. (Mind you, I'd be pretty annoyed if a relative bought my kids a mobile phone each without asking me first, as well.) And it seems as though her suspicious about Dave's ex- aren't without foundation, even if she chose a bad time and place to express them last week. But she also seems to be the one person who had a reasonably un-"romanticised" view of Rita. She's undeniably bitter, which makes perfect sense if, as it seems, Rita got away with a lot without being caught/challenged, but I also got the sense that she's bottled a lot of things up because she loved her sister and didn't want to ruin things for her or the people around her. But that becomes very hard very quickly, hence all the snide comments.

I'm not clear though as to whether both she AND Rita were adopted, or if it was just Rita. Anyone get that?

Much as I'm enjoying seeing David Tennant get to play a romantic role - am I going to be drummed out of the fangirl-brownies for saying at this stage, that I don't think the romantic angle of SF is as interesting or as engaging as the plot about Dave coping with the kids and his extended family and then with Stuart and what he might be about to find out about the latter's relationship with Rita?

Sure, whether it's appropriate to have a relationship with someone so soon after his partner's death is obviously one of the many dilemma's Dave's having to cope with, but it's the least interesting one IMO, and I really never thought I'd say that. I htink it's becase I can't find anything in Sarah as a character to latch on to. She's obviously reached a crossroads in her relationship (as revealed by the discussion about kids with Rita last week), and is avoiding dealing with that, but other than that, she's not a particularly well drawn character. I can understand that she's starting to realise that perhaps Matt isn't the man for her, but if she didn't have the inclination to jump her best friend's fella before, I'm still at a bit of a loss to work out where that's coming from. (Becuase, Duh - he's gorgeous! doesn't really cut it, does it?) I don't dislike her - I'm just indifferent, which isn't good when you're supposed to be invested in two characters as a couple.

But I'm looking forward to next week - sounds like the shit's really going to hit the fan!

Comments

[katherine-b.livejournal.com]

I haven't seen the show, so haven't read all of these, but I thought I would let you know that I read your first line as 'Kinky thoughts, in no particular order'.

*shakes head* I am so, so messed up...

[caz963.livejournal.com]

Heheheh... well, it's not like I've not made some good Freudian slips in my time, so I'm not going to criticise ;-)

[katherine-b.livejournal.com]

*g* Glad to hear it.

[lorelaisquared.livejournal.com]

Followed the link from tennant_love.

I agree with you so much about Dave. I sort of tried to express this myself in my own reflection on this episode (here if you're interested: http://lorelaisquared.livejournal.com/82548.html) but you've written it SO much better. He IS being selfish and unfair to his family. And I think he's even been neglectful of his kids. I know he's grieving and trying to deal with a lot but he really needs to get his act together. I feel for his children - they need their father more than ever right now and he's just not accessible.

I'm also a bit meh about the romance. Although my hangup stems more from the cheating aspect of it. If she doesn't want to be with Matt she needs to end it before anything else happens with Dave. Even though, like you said, she's clearly having second thoughts about Matt, it's not fair to him. He obviously doesn't feel the same way and someone is going to end up getting hurt. I'm pretty sure that it's going to get really messy.

I'm loving the Lucy Father plot line. Partly because I personally identify with it and party because it's so well done. And like you said, the acting in that scene was phenomenal - but both parties, but particularly all the emotions on David's face. The man is so expressive -it kills me!

Thank you for the fascinating read! I really enjoyed your reflections!

[chippers87.livejournal.com]

followed you here from tennant_love

I agree with pretty much everything you said here. I think the biggest thing we've learned from these two episodes is that Rita was the real doer in this parenting partnership, and Dave supported her, but he was definitely in the supporting role. And he's not handling the lead role very well at all. For god's sake, at the very least he needs to remind Lucy that he loves her. And Tanya, too! (By the way, he has no right to chew Tanya out for taking advantage of the kindness of family. He was doing the exact same thing at the exact same time!!)

I also have to say that I'm really glad that Dave is being this selfish because it means that Rita isn't the only fallen angel in this. That was probably a little selfish of me to say, but if Dave had been perfect throughout this, then Rita would have looked worse. As it stands, they're both definitely human, thank the higher power of your choice. :)

[eskridge77.livejournal.com]

Single parenthood presents challenges, no question.

I remember becoming a single mother, after divorce, and it really did take a network of caring people to make the transition go relatively smoothly. And that was with one child, and me laboring under the misconception that I had to be "super-mom" and take up the slack left behind by the suddenly absent father.

So, I can completely understand the character's attempts to juggle four children and, the inevitable balls falling - hard. Especially after losing his partner suddenly and traumatically. (At least, my network of caring people had the forewarning of watching a marriage in decay, yeah? No matter how much in denial I was at the time. *rolls eyes*)

The relationship with Sara is, again, believable. Doesn't make it palatable, but there it is. Personally, I thought that Dave and Rita had a good, workable relationship representing honest affection/love and a healthy dose of mutual respect - from the snapshot we were shown in the first episode. Now, perhaps, not so much. I take it that they had a healthy physical relationship, and those needs don't die when a partner is gone. Two and a half months may have been a wee bit soon-ish but... *shrugs*

Anna seemed, okay, less poisonous than in the first episode. Yeah, she's got more issues than Reader's Digest but she did have a point about the cell phones. I'm sorry, but with kids, they are less about being means of communication and more about being electronic leashes - especially the ones with tracking capability. If I was raising a child now (my son is 27 yrs old), you'd best believe that he would be carrying a phone with GPS. (Come to think of it, he is... *lol*)

Not knowing anymore about Dave and his ex's backstory, I'm reserving judgment beyond what the hell was she thinking???!!! And, sorry, but Tonya screwed up. Period. I'm completely on his side in that.

The scene with Stuart at the airport, when the foundation of Dave's faith in Rita began to crumble, was heartbreaking. When he found out that Rita a) had been meeting with this man and b) hadn't even shared with him the very basic information that she was in a relationship, well... it was clearly devastating for him.

The children continue to be awesomely depicted - warts and all. Poor Paul is so much like Dave, I think. Holds things deep within and wants to take care of the rest. Little Evie is adorable.

Poor Tony.

And, yes, locks exist for a reason. Single Parenthood 101. *lol*

[catchester.livejournal.com]

I agree with a lot of what you said and as a portrait of someone struggling to cope, it is an excellent portrayal. I still want to slap him sometimes but it's very real.

And will someone please tell the lawyer to get the highest settlement he can so Dave can hire a home help!!! Honestly, man, that's (partly) what compensation is for.

The kid taking the hammer to himself was horrible to watch (primarily because of personal issues) but also very real. I have yet to see Dave try and help his kids through any of their feelings and considering what a mess he is, it's no wonder they're feeling so lost. I do think Lucy is being a bit of a bitch though, she is old enough to understand more than the others and she's just being vindictive towards him.

As for Dave moving on so fast, believe me, that's nothing. My mother has run a dating agency since I was 18 months old and I have been involved to varying degrees through out my life. Men do move on quickly, it's like they need a replacement, like the cant function without a woman and any woman will do. I even took a call from one man once who's wife hadn't even died yet and he was looking to join up! I don't like it, I don't think it's right or healthy, but it is real.

As for Sarah, I think she probably envied Rita's life and is now attracted by a ready made family. She can just step into their lives without any mess, fuss or guilt, plus they need someone in the mother/wife role so she's really just fulfilling their needs (in her own head at least).

Again, it's not really healthy but some women do behave like that.

We all know what Dave needs to do and I though this drama would be about him finding his way. Instead it looks like it's taking a darker turn and (I do hope this isn't a spoiler, it WAS in the preview) might not turn out to be a father at all, single or otherwise.

Am I the only one starting to hate Rita? I cant stand liars and while we already know she's told some whoppers, it's now beginning to look like she she lied about almost all of the most important things in their lives. I really liked her in the first episode, now I'm starting to think she's evil. Her actions and lies will end up causing her partner and children so much pain and anguish and even if she had lived, the truth would have come to light eventually. Right now, I think she's an evil, self-serving bitch and I almost want to run her over again.

[cytherea999.livejournal.com]

Hello, popping in from Tennant_Love!

Anna is driving me mental! And the mobile phone thing was a step too far, so I well agree with ou on that one!

I'm not sure about Sarah, she seems a bit two-dimensional to me, like she's a fill in Charater, so that Dave can seee the error of his ways and in the next two episodes learn to be a better dad and put the kids first etc etc. That being said... UNF I did watch the bed scene twice already and that won't be the last time! (smirks to self)

[gwendolynflight.livejournal.com]

All very well put, and I mostly agree. But I'm not entirely sure I'd characterize Dave as selfish. He's distracted, but largely with trying to do something for Lucy - yes, also with getting his end away, but mostly with the search for Lucy's dad. And considering how much hurt you could see in his eyes when Lucy was saying that she wanted her 'real dad', not this man who helped raise her, it seems even more selfless, actually. Yes, he's dropping other balls, but juggling is hard. And after spending a single weekend with my sister's 3 kids, for maybe 6 hours a day, max, with both parents present, and still dragging home exhausted every night, I don't understand how he's still standing. Kids are tough. They have so much energy! And they're quick! ::shakes head::

[sensiblecat.livejournal.com]

Seems to me that Dave's indulging in the classic displacement activity right now - persuading himself that he's being a good dad/stepdad by trying to find Lucy's father, when really he'd be better sorting out the important but tedious day-to-day domestic stuff (or paying someone else to do so). In fact, the Lucy project is allowing him to indulge in some memory wanking/detective work, both activities that the male brain tends to find more congenial than the supermarket run.

He's probably blind to the amount of running around others are doing on his behalf - he's always had Rita and maybe other women to support him until now and he simply doesn't recognise how much he's disrupting their lives. With any tragedy you get a grace period when people will make it a priority to help you out and the transition back to RL is an interesting one to write about.

Concerning Anna, I suspect that the hurt she feels over not being able to have her own kids is a big motivator. That has to rankle when she sees Rita's fecundity and possible irresponsibility.

I do like the way we're seeing the complexity of modern family life and how it throws up all kinds of dilemmas when there's a tragedy. It's the flip side of relaxed, liberal parenting - we may not like the concept of tying ourselves down to marriage and legal stuff but when shit hits fans they do help.

The high point of DT's performance was indeed the "High Noon" of the airport scene where the range of wordless emotions passing over his features was incredible. I wonder if his anger and suspicion will have the unfortunate effect of making him even more distant to his kids, and I suspect there may be more than a little revenge in Dave's unacknowledged pursuit of Sarah - or at least its unseemly speed.

As for Sarah - hate to say it but if I was the head of that school I'd be watching her like a hawk. The Parents' Evening scene was set up very well.

It must be a good drama to get us all chewing it over like this, mustn't it?

[caz963.livejournal.com]

Oh, definitely, it's good chewing material! And I remember, from reading the original synopsis that the ten-weeks-later thing was what made me sit up and take notice, because, as you say, everyone else will have - not forgotten exactly - gone back to business as usual and will almost being expecting the same from the bereaved parties, too. There's nothing hard-hearted or malicious about it, it's just the way things are.

I also agree that the idea that Dave has had such an amazing support mechanism - both before and after Rita's death - is key. I hate to stereotype, but I think a lot of men out there who are not the "homemaker" in the relationship don't quite realise just how much it takes to run a home and look after kids - and just how much your life isn't your own when you're the main carer of young children.

The speed of the thing with Sarah isn't bothering me - in fact I can understand why someone might do something like that after a tragedy - as a way to forget for a while, as something life-affirming, whatever. I'm more puzzled simply as to "why her?" Because so far, it seems that the answer is "because she's interested and making herself available". Which is, I suppose as good a reason as any in some situations, but I don't think that's what we're supposed to be seeing in the context of this drama.

Even Mr Caz, who normally sits and gently pokes fun at "the skinny Scottish git" was impressed by said skinny Scottish git's acting in the airport scene :-)

[caz963.livejournal.com]

Maybe selfish was the wrong word - and even if it's not, I agree it's not deliberate. He's just not properly focused on his kids and he needs to be or he's shoring up all sorts of trouble for himself in the future.

Juggling kids and work is incredibly hard and takes a lot of work and organisation. It seems that Dave left that side of things to Rita and is still, to some extent, expecting to have the same freedoms he had when she was around. Like sensiblecat says, he's got a very good support system that's so good, he's taking advantage just a bit.

But then - that's like life, isn't it? And I like that that's what we're being shown; that life and families can be messy and difficult. Even when I want to smack Dave, (and then kiss him all better!) I like that he's not perfect.

[hungryhippo11.livejournal.com]

Also following you from tennant_love :)

I'd agree with most of what you've said. Yes, the guy's still dealing with his grief, but seriously, there has to be a line drawn somewhere. On several occasions I, too, thought that Dave should pull his bleeping finger out, actually BE a father and assume some responsibility for looking after these kids. Especially when it came to asserting himself with Anna (whom I loathe--she's a control freak as much as her sister was, me thinks :P) over her vastly inappropriate meddling, but of course he needs to keep her onside as the on-call babysitter, so there would be none of that :/

Having worked as a social worker with 'at-risk' families, I'm also finding the family dynamics/crises and drama with Lucy's dad and Rita's hidden past more compelling than the romantic side too. Geez, that scene between Dave and Stuart was an absolute killer! Although re the romance, I don't mind or care for Sarah, but like you said, that's cos we don't know all that much about her. I just think Dave sees Sarah as an oasis of sanity in a desert of madness at this point, and that's why he keeps clinging to her.

Can't wait for next week either. If what's hinted at in the trailer is true...YIKES. D:

[caz963.livejournal.com]

I do like that Dave's not perfect - even though I want to smack him at times and remind him that his kids are his responsibility and not everyone elses!

I thought the way he dealt with Anna was right - he didn't bawl her out in front of the kids and he was very measured in what he said. And I confess I started to warm to her a bit when she confessed how much she missed Rita, and when she spoke about everything still being done Rita's way or for Rita. That's what made me realise that she's not wearing the same rose-tinted specs about her sister that many others seem to be.

[hungryhippo11.livejournal.com]

Oh, so do I--I tend to be inclined to dramas where the characters aren't so likeable and perfect, as they're wholly more interesting viewing :) It's great to see a male character like Dave on screen, whose flaws aren't simply being glossed over and excused away like so many dramas do (cop shows are a prime example).

With Anna and what she said about Rita, I did like that she came out and set Dave straight about Rita's character, but on the other hand it disconcerts me that it took Rita dying for Anna to fess up that way to him. That manner of backbiting really fits in with her continued bitching about Dave's ex-wife, so I just can't find her character particularly endearing, sorry :P I also don't think it's a case of everyone having 'rose-coloured' glasses in how they see Rita, more that everyone else is in the dark about her seemingly well-concealed past just as Dave is/was. If Dave, her partner of 11 years, wasn't aware of her manipulating and controlling ways, who's to say anyone else (sister aside) would know either? *shrugs*

You're right about Dave taking the right course of action in pulling Anna away from the kids to address things privately, and not getting into a tirade. I was more lamenting the fact that he had the opportunity to declare to Anna that the children are his responsibility, not hers, and that what she's doing is clearly overstepping the mark. The fact that he didn't do this makes me question even further whether he really *wants* the responsibility of being a father to these kids. While I realise he loves them, and he's still going through grief, etc., etc., I'm feeling quite iffy about it, and I'm not sure that's me imposing judgement or a reasonable call given what we're being presented with thus far.

Which leads to next week. If what's alluded to in the trailer re the questionable paternity of the other children is true, then Dave will have to confront that dilemma for himself. How much does he really *want* to be a father here and shoulder the responsibility (as opposed to just going through the motions) when he could, legally, have the right to walk away and just go about doing his own thing instead, sans the brood? Makes for VERY intriguing viewing :)

Cripes, after looking at what I've just written, I've realised that I'm thinking about this show WAY TOO MUCH! Really need to revert to default DT perve-mode again :D

[luinel-anduril.livejournal.com]

Totally agree with everything you say here. Was wondering why Anna hasn't adopted, as they clearly seem to want kids (her husband is great). At the park, i was worried that Ewan actually was seriously injured and thought they would be in huge trouble with Dave once his ex discovered it. I didn't expect him to pull out a hammer, or for it to be glossed over. The two boys were very smooth with that stunt, too!

The news that Dave and Rita weren't married, however...reeling. Why do they have three kids together and have never done anything to provide for the four of them legally?

[caz963.livejournal.com]

I confess to not being surprised by the fact that Dave and Rita weren't married, because I read it somewhere before the series started. Mr Caz and I lived together for a number of years before we got married - and although neither of us was all that bothered about tying the knot (I'm divorced, so been there, done that!) we did say that if we ever had kids, then we'd get married. Of course, there were other reasons as well, but it does make things much simpler when you've got kids. Also, I fell pregnant before we got married and we were debating whether to get married before or after the birth - when we discovered that if we weren't married at the time of the birth, then Mr Caz would have to adopt the baby to have any legal rights. So many people over here are under the impression that a "common law" relationship carries the same legal weight as a legal marriage, but of course it doesn't.
But it's a very common thing - more than you'd think. I come across a lot of kids these days whose parents aren't married and always ask myself if they realise what problems they could be storing up for later.

[luinel-anduril.livejournal.com]

Eek, that's even worse than i thought. Dave has no legal rights to any of the children living in his home, even if they are genetically all his. I am going to have a hard time waiting for next week...who knew they could pack so much into an hour?