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caz963Disclaimers: I own nothing, I’m making nothing… these characters were created by Aaron Sorkin and belong to Sorkin, Shoe Money Productions and NBC. I’m just taking them out for a spin and will return when I’ve finished with them.
Being anally retentive about that sort of thing, I proofed it myself, so any mistakes are mine!
Category: Jordan and Harriet indulge in a bit of girl-talk. Post-ep for Monday.
Spoilers: Up to 1.14, The Harriet Dinner pt. II
A/N: As many of you know, I still have issues with the speed of Jordan’s turn around about Danny in The Harriet Dinner II. Not that I blame her in the slightest, of course – I mean, who wouldn’t be crazy about him? So here's my take on what might have been going on in her head between Monday and The Harriet Dinner.
A/N 2: Thanks as ever to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
coloneljack and salr323 for their valuable input and suggestions, and to zinke for her encouragement.
Food for Thought
Jordan groaned softly and leaned her head on one hand. She’d been trying to read Hallie’s proposal for over an hour, and it just wouldn’t stick. With a sigh, she turned back to the beginning, even though she knew it would probably be a futile effort because, try as she might - she couldn’t concentrate. She supposed she could put it down to her hormones - she’d read that it wasn’t uncommon for pregnant women to have memory lapses or trouble concentrating, but she knew it wasn’t that. She’d been fine until –
A knock from outside brought her head up with a start. “Yeah?”
Harriet popped her head around the door. “Hey. Kevin said you were free.” She walked in, carrying, Jordan was relieved to see, what looked like lunch for four.
“I brought food.”
“So I see.”
“You said you didn’t want to run into - uh, come over to the -”
“Yeah.” Jordan sighed again, closing the folder she’d been staring at ineffectually and started to stack books and folders to make some room on the desk.
“So here I am,” Harriet continued brightly, putting down an assortment of cartons and bags in the hurriedly cleared space.
Jordan reached immediately for one of the bags. “God,” she looked quickly between a carton of pasta salad and a sandwich – and decided she was hungry enough to tackle them both, “I had no idea it was possible to eat like this. If I don’t slow down soon, I’ll still look pregnant after I’ve had the baby!”
“So you’re eating for two.” Harriet shrugged and leaned over to pick up her salad and a bottle of water, watching as Jordan crammed a forkful of pasta into her mouth. “Okay, so maybe it’s more than two,” she muttered, picking up a napkin. “All set for tomorrow night?”
“… think so,” Jordan mumbled, around her mouthful of food.
“I really appreciate your doing this at such short notice. I mean, I thought that maybe Matt would…”
Jordan waved her fork around as she swallowed. “It’s no problem, really. It was sweet of you to ask me.”
They ate in silence for a minute or two, Harriet sneaking surreptitious glances across the desk every so often as Jordan rummaged around in another bag and brought out a box of donuts and some juice. They hadn’t seen each other since lunch on Monday, which wasn’t unusual – Jordan was responsible for overseeing a number of shows and couldn’t be everywhere at once – but Harriet knew why it was that Jordan hadn’t been over to the theatre. Or at least why she wanted to avoid meeting Danny.
The sound of Jordan’s voice jerked her out of her reverie. “Do you want to go over there together? We could meet here or -”
“I’m sorry – what?”
Jordan looked up from the roast-beef on rye she’d been about to bite into. “I asked if you wanted to go over to the thing together.”
“Oh.” Harriet nodded, absently. “Yeah. That’d be good. I’m on set until about six, then I have to get back to change, so it’s going to be tight – can you come over around seven?”
“Sure.”
“Okay.” Glancing up at Jordan’s tight smile, Harriet realized she’d made a mistake and started to backtrack hastily. “No – I mean - I can come here if -”
Jordan waved a hand. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
Harriet decided not to pursue the matter. She and Jordan had become good friends over the past few weeks, but they were a long way from being bosom buddies. If Jordan wanted to talk about it, then Harriet would listen, but she wasn’t going to dig too deep if she could help it. Whatever was – or wasn’t – going on between Jordan and Danny was really none of her business and, God knew, she had enough problems of her own to deal with. “Okay.”
“So - ” Jordan brushed some crumbs off her lap. “You bringing a date?”
Harriet chuckled softly. “Two, actually.”
“You go, girl!” Jordan’s eyes widened. “Although I think that’s a bit unfair – after all, here am I, dateless and you’ve got two guys in tow.”
Harriet shook her head. “Well, you don’t have to be dateless; you -” Off the look that flashed across Jordan’s face, she started again. “I guess I could share. You know I put that thing on the internet? To raise money for Women United Through Faith - I auctioned off the chance to be my date tomorrow night.”
Jordan paused, another forkful of pasta halfway to her mouth. “You did that for them – after the gay marriage thing?”
“Yeah.” Harriet looked a little subdued. “I know. It’s just – I owe them a lot, you know? They helped me when I needed it most, and I can never forget that – I don’t want to forget it.” She sighed. “Anyway, we’re okay now.”
“I’m glad,” Jordan said softly. “I didn’t mean to – I wasn’t judging you; I just thought that maybe, after… I’m glad you worked it out.”
Harriet picked at her salad for a minute before continuing. “So anyway, as it turns out, two guys bid over five thousand dollars each for the chance to be my date, which I thought was getting a bit silly – so I closed the bidding and said they could both come with me.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. So how about, when we get there, we check out LukeS5858 and BossSexy and take one each?”
“BossSexy? You’re kidding me, right?”
Harriet grinned. “Nope. But I get first pick.”
Jordan grinned back. “Okay, done. But if mine has a limp or a glass eye, I’m outta there!”
Harriet laughed - and they carried on eating their lunch. But something she’d said earlier – or rather the way she’d said it, had piqued Jordan’s curiosity. Harriet had tried to hide it, but she’d sounded somewhat forlorn when she’d expressed the hope that Matt might have been the one to present her award at the dinner Thursday night; and no matter how many times Jordan told herself it was none of her business, she couldn’t help but wonder what was going on. Perhaps there was something she could do to help. Or at the very least, if Harriet wanted to talk, it might give Jordan a break from dwelling on her own ‘man troubles’. Wincing inwardly at how selfish that sounded, she picked up a bottle of water and twisted off the cap, hoping she looked as though she was doing it as casually as possible.
“So, these two dates.”
“Hm?”
“You didn’t want to go with Matt?”
Harriet’s head shot up, defensively.
Way to go, Jordan, she thought to herself. Very subtle.
“Well, I - no.”
“So – things are ..?”
Harriet sighed and shook her head, her eyes fixed on a point somewhere over Jordan’s shoulder. “They’re… I don’t know. It’s like we’re in this weird holding pattern. We broke up, but we see each other every day – it’s like we’re together only we’re not.”
“You know that made no sense, right?”
“This whole thing makes no sense.” She reached for her bottle of water and took a drink. “Matt’s playing some kind of game right now, and I’m tired of it, Jordan. He doesn’t know what he wants – he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me, but he doesn’t want anyone else to be with me, either.” Her voice rose in anger as she stood, walking to the other side of the office. “He won’t come to the awards dinner tomorrow night because he hates Women United Through Faith. He can’t put aside the fact – just for a few hours - that he dislikes them in order to do something nice for me, because it’s always got to be about him.”
Jordan didn’t comment; she’d just taken a large bite of sandwich and continued to eat while she watched Harriet absently straightening a couple of the photo frames on the shelf in front of her.
“The thing is?” Harriet turned back to face her. “I do love him. It’s crazy, but even after everything that’s happened, I love him and I guess I probably always will. But we’re bad for one another - we stopped bringing out the best in each other years ago. This – whatever it is we’re doing – it’s not good for either of us and it has to stop. And I have to stop it, because Matt won’t.” She sighed heavily and flopped back down into the chair, deflated. When she spoke again, her tone was very subdued. “We used to be so close. Sometimes it was almost creepy, how well we knew each other. But now… the only time I feel that close to him anymore is when I’m speaking the words he’s written; and as for knowing each other well - sometimes I wonder whether we ever really knew each other at all.”
“Harry – I’m really… I’m so sorry.”
“No, seriously. Don’t be. It’s just Matt and his crazy, mixed up view of the world, and my stupid fault for letting things go on like this for so long. I guess I thought that maybe he’d…” she heaved another sigh, “oh, I don’t know what I thought, but it’s not happening and it’s time to let go.”
Jordan didn’t know what to say to that. From what she’d seen of their relationship, Matt and Harriet were two people who seemed to need each other more than even they knew. They argued and bickered, sure, but they had some strange kind of co-dependent thing going on, and no one could deny that both of them were at their best professionally when they were working together. But then, Jordan sighed inwardly, what did she know? Her track record when it came to relationships was hardly stellar and now – well this latest development was a doozy.
She suddenly found the silence uncomfortable. “How are the rehearsals for the movie going?”
Harriet swallowed and nodded. “Pretty well, so far. I have to work on my accent a bit more though – I mean it’s okay, but it slips occasionally,” she shrugged, stabbing a tomato absently. “It’ll be fine.”
“Are the shooting dates set yet?”
“Yeah – Luke’s had them more or less worked out since Christmas, so it’s all looking good. Matt and -” she stopped mid sentence, smiling uneasily. “It’s all fine.”
Jordan wiped her mouth with a napkin. “It’s okay,” she said softly, “you can say his name. I mean, we’ve all got to work together, so it’s not like I can avoid him completely – it’s just … I can’t see him right now. I need things to settle down a bit, for him to realize what a bad idea it would be for us to... I’ll give it a few days, then maybe it won’t feel so awkward.”
“You think a few days will be enough to make it less awkward?”
Jordan slumped back in her chair. “Probably not.” She groaned and closed her eyes. “Oh, God, Harriet, what am I going to do?”
“About what?”
Jordan’s eyes snapped open as she sat upright. “About Danny!”
“Well – what do you want to do about him?”
“Right now? I could rip out his lungs with an ice-cream scoop! I mean, seriously, what on earth made him think - ?” She threw up her hands in exasperation. “It was just … humiliating!”
Harriet pursed her lips and nodded in agreement. “It was a stupid thing to do.”
“It was; and then, when I – wait.” Jordan frowned. “You know about the letters?”
Harriet cocked her head to the side. “I’m sorry, Jordan, but I think everyone in Hollywood knows about the letters.”
Jordan winced and let her head fall forward onto the desk.
“Yeah, I know about them.” Harriet hesitated briefly and then decided there was no point in trying to conceal anything. “Actually, Danny asked me to write one.”
Jordan straightened up immediately. “What?”
Harriet put out a hand when she spoke, adopting what she hoped was a soothing tone. “But I said no. I told him I thought it was a terrible idea and that if he needed to get other people to plead his case with you, then…” she shrugged. “But of course, once Danny gets an idea like that in his head, that’s it. And then, Matt… honestly the two of them are like a couple of frat-boys; they juice each other up and once that happens, there’s no talking either of them down.”
“Well, thank you for that, at least. Not contributing to the insanity, I mean.” Jordan rested her chin on her hand and blew out a breath. “I have to say though,” she smiled indulgently, “it’s not every day I get a hand-written fax from Marty Scorsese or Steven Spielberg. That was kinda cool...”
Harriet frowned. “Jordan?”
“… not to mention the fact that they actually did it for Danny, just like that - no questions asked - ”
“Jordan -”
“- if it wasn’t so stupid, it’d be sort of impressive, I guess…”
Harriet tried hard to hide her amusement. “Just like Danny, then.”
“Huh?”
“You know, stupid, but impressive?”
“What? Oh – no. No, no – it wasn’t impressive at all. Not really. Just… you know, stupid.”
“Yes.”
“And embarrassing.”
“I can see it would be, yes.”
Jordan’s forehead creased into a suspicious frown. “Why do I sense you’re not completely with me on this?”
“Oh, I’m completely with you. I’m just not sure you’re completely with you!”
“What?”
“Oh, come on. One minute you’re telling me how embarrassed and humiliated you were, the next you’re on the verge of writing him a recommendation yourself!”
“I wasn’t! I just -” Jordan threw up her hands in exasperation. “What is wrong with me? I mean here’s this guy. He’s cute, he’s funny, he’s successful, he’s smart, he’s cute -”
“You said that.”
“What?”
“That Danny’s cute – you said that already.”
“I did?”
Harriet cocked her head to the side, her lips pursed as she tried to prevent the escape of the huge grin that was threatening to spread across her face.
“What?” Jordan looked puzzled.
“Nothing.”
“No, come on. Say it.”
“It’s none of my business,” Harriet said, schooling her expression into something more serious.
“Please? I need to - I don’t know, work this out and I’m not doing so well with that on my own.”
Harriet stared at her for a second before she relented. “Okay – but seriously, I’m hardly an advertisement for how to have a healthy relationship.”
“Maybe not, but you’re all I’ve got right now.”
“Thanks!”
“Oh – sorry – I didn’t mean… that is …”
Harriet chuckled and held up her hands. “Jordan – it’s fine. Just - tell me what the problem is.”
“The problem?” Jordan began ticking off on her fingers. “I’m his boss. We have three marriages and divorces between us, he’s a recovering addict, I got arrested on a DUI eight years ago and my slime-ball of an ex-husband is hawking a book about the seedier side of our marriage. Oh, and there’s the small matter of my being pregnant by the guy who told me about Danny’s little slip with the coke which was the leverage I used to get him and Matt to come back to the show.”
“What?”
Jordan did a mental double take; “I – uh, never mind- ” and continued with her tirade, her voice rising in irritation. “I mean it’s not as though I haven’t got enough to deal with; then Danny announces to everyone who’s anyone in Hollywood that -” she waved her hands around agitatedly. “And when I told him to back off, he refused point blank. Can you believe it? Right to my face - ‘No’ - he won’t stop. But then - he stops! Just like that, he - ” Jordan stopped suddenly, taking in Harriet’s stunned expression. “How’s that for ‘the problem’?”
Harriet blinked. “That’s a lot of problems.”
“It is.”
“Except…”
“Except what?”
Harriet waved a hand dismissively and shook her head.
“No, what?” Jordan persisted.
Harriet shrugged and gave in. So much for telling herself to leave this alone. “You never said you didn’t like him.”
It was Jordan’s turn to emit an unladylike snort. “What is this, kindergarten?”
“I’m serious – all those things, they’re factors for sure, but surely, that should have been number one on your list – you wanted him to stop because you’re not interested.”
Jordan looked incredulous – and a little guilty. “Hm?”
“Jordan -”
She covered her face with her hands. “I don’t know what to think any more. I’ve known the man for barely three months when he tells me he’s falling in love with me -”
“He told you that?”
“Yes.”
“When?”
“During the Christmas show.”
“Wow.”
“I know -” she looked up, “it was kinda – Anyway, he told me that, then he just wouldn’t stop – he called practically every day I was at my parents’, he called me on vacation… I couldn’t think, I just didn’t -”
“That’s understandable – you needed time to think about it.”
“Yes! No – yes, I -”
Harriet set her salad carton down on the desk and wiped her hands on a napkin before continuing, quietly, “I’m probably the least qualified person I know to give any kind of relationship advice, Jordan.” She paused, considering. “Well, apart from Matt. Or Danny, for that matter. But you got what you wanted. He’s stopped.”
“He has. He said … yes he has.”
“Yes, he has.” Harriet sat back, eyeing her friend studiously for a few seconds. “Jordan, if you could see your face right now…”
“What?”
“I guess it shows you should be careful what you wish for, because you might just get it.”
Jordan opened her mouth to speak – but couldn’t think of anything to say in response. Much as she hated to admit it, even if only to herself, Harriet had hit uncomfortably close to home with that remark. Jordan had asked Danny to leave her alone and despite his insistence to the contrary, he’d complied with her request. He’d not come over to her office on some pretext or other, he hadn’t called her… She hadn’t seen or spoken to him for almost two days and was surprised to find she missed that.
She missed him.
“So think about it,” Harriet continued softly. “The marriages, the drugs, work…the baby. You can’t tell me they’re things Danny hasn’t thought about either. I know him; he works out every angle before he does anything – well, mostly, he does.”
Jordan sighed; she knew Harriet was right – Danny might have been a little hasty, but she couldn’t deny that he’d thought things through. He’d voiced her objections before she’d even had a chance to consider them herself. “I guess he did. He said he -” she took a deep breath. “He told me he wasn’t a woman’s dream of a man – or a father. A father, Harry. When I thought about that, it – it freaked me out. He just stood there and offered to be my baby’s father. What kind of guy does that? How many men do you know who wouldn’t have run away screaming at the thought of taking on another man’s child?”
Harriet said nothing as Jordan shot her a bemused look and dropped her head into her hands. “Oh, God, I just answered my own question, didn’t I?”
“Pretty much.”
“But what if…” Jordan looked up again. “What if he’s just doing this because he feels sorry for me or something? I mean, maybe he’s got some kind of white knight complex and he thinks I’m a damsel in distress -”
Harriet couldn’t suppress a snort of laughter. “I’m sorry – I just got this image of Don Quixote and Sancho Panza -”
“Harry! Seriously, Danny’s just back on the wagon; what if this is all some kind of withdrawal high, or he’s looking for some way to, I don’t know, atone for his slip up, and we – And then he realizes it’s wrong for him? He’s a good guy, he’ll do the right thing, and then he’ll resent me and the baby, and then when it’s older, he’ll leave and my child will grow up without a father and -”
“Hey – just calm down and take a breath once in a while, would you? I mean, you haven’t even been on a date with him!”
Jordan looked startled, but to Harriet’s surprise she did as she was told, taking a couple of deep breaths before closing her eyes and leaning back in her chair.
“That’s it though, really, isn’t it?” Harriet continued cautiously. “The marriages, the addiction, they’re not the real reasons you asked him to leave you alone, are they?”
Jordan’s protest was immediate. “Yes!” She sighed as Harriet shot her a pointed look. “At least, I think… Not really.” She shook her head. “It’s a mess. I’m a mess.”
“No it’s not – and neither are you. Well, maybe just a little…” Harriet grinned, relieved to see a smile twitching at the corners of Jordan’s mouth. “It makes perfect sense,” she continued more seriously, getting up to perch on the edge of the desk. “It’s not just you any more. You’re going to be someone’s mother and that’s a wonderful, wonderful thing. It’s also a scary thing and a huge responsibility. I have no idea how I’d react in your situation and I have to say, I admire you for the way you’re handling it. And all those things you’re thinking and feeling… well, I guess you’d be an irresponsible future parent if you weren’t thinking them.” Harriet paused and smiled fondly. “But you’re still entitled to think about what you want and what’s best for you at the same time as you’re thinking about what’s best for the baby. That’s all I’m saying.” She got up and walked back to the other side of the desk, picking up the empty cartons and stuffing them into a bag for the trash.
“I wouldn’t write a letter – but I’ll tell you this. Danny’s a good man. One of the best. If you’re lucky enough to have him for a friend, then there’s nothing he won’t do for you. He’s brilliant, he’s charming, he’s opinionated and he can be annoyingly smug. He’s far from perfect and he’s had his problems, but in all the time I’ve known him I can put my hand on my heart and say that he’s never been anything less than completely honest.” She chuckled softly. “Brutally so, at times.”
Jordan sat silently, staring absently at one of the pictures on the wall as she considered - not for the first time over the last couple of days - the possibility that she may have made a mistake by telling Danny so unequivocally to leave her alone. Maybe she should have told him she needed time to think, or that she wanted to take things slow, or that she didn’t want to rush into anything under the circumstances… But instead she’d panicked, trotted out a whole slew of excuses and pushed him away. And if she was honest with herself, she’d have to admit that was really the last thing she’d wanted to do. Because - to use Harriet’s expression - she did like Danny. A lot. And that, in itself, scared her. She’d never been particularly lucky with men and now, as Harriet rightly said, she had more than just herself to consider. She was trying to be rational, to think about consequences and possible outcomes, to do the best thing for herself and for her baby. But -
But right now, she realized, all this thinking and considering was starting to give her a headache.
“You know,” Harriet continued, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear as she sat down, “this might be difficult to believe, but Danny’s an old-fashioned guy when it comes to women.” She smiled, mischievously. “He is, as you say, cute, so he has his fair share of them throwing themselves at him.”
Jordan put out a hand. “Harry, you don’t have to -”
“I know,” Harriet nodded. “I meant it would be easy for Danny to, I don’t know, have a different woman every night if he wanted to. But he doesn’t do that any more.” She paused, leaning forward in her chair. “I didn’t know his first wife, and I only met the second a few times - and that was when things were pretty much on the rocks between them. I can’t tell you why either marriage failed. But one thing I can tell you - he’s the last guy who’d ever tell a woman he felt something for her that he didn’t. In case you hadn’t noticed, he’s pretty big on honesty.”
Jordan managed a shaky grin. “You couldn’t have faxed me all that?”
Harriet shook her head. “I’m sorry if that was out of line. It’s just - you’re my friend. And he’s my friend, too, and you’re both walking around looking so…” she threw up her hands, “miserable. And I’m miserable, and Matt’s – well, I don’t know what Matt is, but -” She heaved a sigh. “He’d probably say I should stop trying to be a yenta - but it would be nice if someone around here caught a break once in a while.”
Jordan raised an eyebrow. “Can a Southern Baptist be a yenta?”
“Oh, shut up.” Harriet grinned good-naturedly and stood up as a brisk knock at the door heralded the appearance of Kevin. “Your two o’clock’s here.”
“Oh,” Jordan looked down at the remainder of her lunch. “I’ll just be – um…”
He smiled knowingly and nodded. “Ten minutes?”
“Thank you.” She finished her sandwich and picked up a chocolate donut.
Harriet smiled to herself and picked up her things, glancing at her watch. “I have to go fight with Matt now anyway – it’s Wednesday, so he’ll be freaking out over how much more he has to write for this week’s show.”
Jordan chuckled. “It’s weird, but it’s kinda sweet how you know that.”
“It’s not just plain weird?”
“Well, yeah, but it’s still sweet.”
Harriet shook her head, her smile turning wistful. “Matt and I are many things, but sweet isn’t the word I’d use to describe us right now. If it ever was.”
Jordan shrugged. “You’ll figure it out.”
“I don’t know. It’s like – we’re too broken now to fix. And I don’t know if I want to fix it any more. It’s just so… hard. And it hurts too much.”
Jordan couldn’t really think of an answer to that, so she just shrugged. “‘Tis better to have loved and lost…’?”
Harriet smiled sadly. “There are times when I wonder if Shakespeare knew what he was talking about.” Reaching the door, she paused briefly before turning and saying brightly, “See you tomorrow.”
“Yup – seven o’clock. I’ll be there.”
“You’re sure it’s - ?”
Jordan waved a hand. “It’s fine. I can’t hide from Danny forever, right? And in any case, we’re not going to be hanging around over there, so if I see him, I’ll be civil – say a quick hello, then you and I can go. It’s not like I’m going to be stuck with him all night, is it?”
Harriet opened the door. “Nah,” she smiled over her shoulder. “Life’s not that cruel!”
End.
Being anally retentive about that sort of thing, I proofed it myself, so any mistakes are mine!
Category: Jordan and Harriet indulge in a bit of girl-talk. Post-ep for Monday.
Spoilers: Up to 1.14, The Harriet Dinner pt. II
A/N: As many of you know, I still have issues with the speed of Jordan’s turn around about Danny in The Harriet Dinner II. Not that I blame her in the slightest, of course – I mean, who wouldn’t be crazy about him? So here's my take on what might have been going on in her head between Monday and The Harriet Dinner.
A/N 2: Thanks as ever to
coloneljack and salr323 for their valuable input and suggestions, and to zinke for her encouragement. Food for Thought
Jordan groaned softly and leaned her head on one hand. She’d been trying to read Hallie’s proposal for over an hour, and it just wouldn’t stick. With a sigh, she turned back to the beginning, even though she knew it would probably be a futile effort because, try as she might - she couldn’t concentrate. She supposed she could put it down to her hormones - she’d read that it wasn’t uncommon for pregnant women to have memory lapses or trouble concentrating, but she knew it wasn’t that. She’d been fine until –
A knock from outside brought her head up with a start. “Yeah?”
Harriet popped her head around the door. “Hey. Kevin said you were free.” She walked in, carrying, Jordan was relieved to see, what looked like lunch for four.
“I brought food.”
“So I see.”
“You said you didn’t want to run into - uh, come over to the -”
“Yeah.” Jordan sighed again, closing the folder she’d been staring at ineffectually and started to stack books and folders to make some room on the desk.
“So here I am,” Harriet continued brightly, putting down an assortment of cartons and bags in the hurriedly cleared space.
Jordan reached immediately for one of the bags. “God,” she looked quickly between a carton of pasta salad and a sandwich – and decided she was hungry enough to tackle them both, “I had no idea it was possible to eat like this. If I don’t slow down soon, I’ll still look pregnant after I’ve had the baby!”
“So you’re eating for two.” Harriet shrugged and leaned over to pick up her salad and a bottle of water, watching as Jordan crammed a forkful of pasta into her mouth. “Okay, so maybe it’s more than two,” she muttered, picking up a napkin. “All set for tomorrow night?”
“… think so,” Jordan mumbled, around her mouthful of food.
“I really appreciate your doing this at such short notice. I mean, I thought that maybe Matt would…”
Jordan waved her fork around as she swallowed. “It’s no problem, really. It was sweet of you to ask me.”
They ate in silence for a minute or two, Harriet sneaking surreptitious glances across the desk every so often as Jordan rummaged around in another bag and brought out a box of donuts and some juice. They hadn’t seen each other since lunch on Monday, which wasn’t unusual – Jordan was responsible for overseeing a number of shows and couldn’t be everywhere at once – but Harriet knew why it was that Jordan hadn’t been over to the theatre. Or at least why she wanted to avoid meeting Danny.
The sound of Jordan’s voice jerked her out of her reverie. “Do you want to go over there together? We could meet here or -”
“I’m sorry – what?”
Jordan looked up from the roast-beef on rye she’d been about to bite into. “I asked if you wanted to go over to the thing together.”
“Oh.” Harriet nodded, absently. “Yeah. That’d be good. I’m on set until about six, then I have to get back to change, so it’s going to be tight – can you come over around seven?”
“Sure.”
“Okay.” Glancing up at Jordan’s tight smile, Harriet realized she’d made a mistake and started to backtrack hastily. “No – I mean - I can come here if -”
Jordan waved a hand. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
Harriet decided not to pursue the matter. She and Jordan had become good friends over the past few weeks, but they were a long way from being bosom buddies. If Jordan wanted to talk about it, then Harriet would listen, but she wasn’t going to dig too deep if she could help it. Whatever was – or wasn’t – going on between Jordan and Danny was really none of her business and, God knew, she had enough problems of her own to deal with. “Okay.”
“So - ” Jordan brushed some crumbs off her lap. “You bringing a date?”
Harriet chuckled softly. “Two, actually.”
“You go, girl!” Jordan’s eyes widened. “Although I think that’s a bit unfair – after all, here am I, dateless and you’ve got two guys in tow.”
Harriet shook her head. “Well, you don’t have to be dateless; you -” Off the look that flashed across Jordan’s face, she started again. “I guess I could share. You know I put that thing on the internet? To raise money for Women United Through Faith - I auctioned off the chance to be my date tomorrow night.”
Jordan paused, another forkful of pasta halfway to her mouth. “You did that for them – after the gay marriage thing?”
“Yeah.” Harriet looked a little subdued. “I know. It’s just – I owe them a lot, you know? They helped me when I needed it most, and I can never forget that – I don’t want to forget it.” She sighed. “Anyway, we’re okay now.”
“I’m glad,” Jordan said softly. “I didn’t mean to – I wasn’t judging you; I just thought that maybe, after… I’m glad you worked it out.”
Harriet picked at her salad for a minute before continuing. “So anyway, as it turns out, two guys bid over five thousand dollars each for the chance to be my date, which I thought was getting a bit silly – so I closed the bidding and said they could both come with me.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. So how about, when we get there, we check out LukeS5858 and BossSexy and take one each?”
“BossSexy? You’re kidding me, right?”
Harriet grinned. “Nope. But I get first pick.”
Jordan grinned back. “Okay, done. But if mine has a limp or a glass eye, I’m outta there!”
Harriet laughed - and they carried on eating their lunch. But something she’d said earlier – or rather the way she’d said it, had piqued Jordan’s curiosity. Harriet had tried to hide it, but she’d sounded somewhat forlorn when she’d expressed the hope that Matt might have been the one to present her award at the dinner Thursday night; and no matter how many times Jordan told herself it was none of her business, she couldn’t help but wonder what was going on. Perhaps there was something she could do to help. Or at the very least, if Harriet wanted to talk, it might give Jordan a break from dwelling on her own ‘man troubles’. Wincing inwardly at how selfish that sounded, she picked up a bottle of water and twisted off the cap, hoping she looked as though she was doing it as casually as possible.
“So, these two dates.”
“Hm?”
“You didn’t want to go with Matt?”
Harriet’s head shot up, defensively.
Way to go, Jordan, she thought to herself. Very subtle.
“Well, I - no.”
“So – things are ..?”
Harriet sighed and shook her head, her eyes fixed on a point somewhere over Jordan’s shoulder. “They’re… I don’t know. It’s like we’re in this weird holding pattern. We broke up, but we see each other every day – it’s like we’re together only we’re not.”
“You know that made no sense, right?”
“This whole thing makes no sense.” She reached for her bottle of water and took a drink. “Matt’s playing some kind of game right now, and I’m tired of it, Jordan. He doesn’t know what he wants – he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me, but he doesn’t want anyone else to be with me, either.” Her voice rose in anger as she stood, walking to the other side of the office. “He won’t come to the awards dinner tomorrow night because he hates Women United Through Faith. He can’t put aside the fact – just for a few hours - that he dislikes them in order to do something nice for me, because it’s always got to be about him.”
Jordan didn’t comment; she’d just taken a large bite of sandwich and continued to eat while she watched Harriet absently straightening a couple of the photo frames on the shelf in front of her.
“The thing is?” Harriet turned back to face her. “I do love him. It’s crazy, but even after everything that’s happened, I love him and I guess I probably always will. But we’re bad for one another - we stopped bringing out the best in each other years ago. This – whatever it is we’re doing – it’s not good for either of us and it has to stop. And I have to stop it, because Matt won’t.” She sighed heavily and flopped back down into the chair, deflated. When she spoke again, her tone was very subdued. “We used to be so close. Sometimes it was almost creepy, how well we knew each other. But now… the only time I feel that close to him anymore is when I’m speaking the words he’s written; and as for knowing each other well - sometimes I wonder whether we ever really knew each other at all.”
“Harry – I’m really… I’m so sorry.”
“No, seriously. Don’t be. It’s just Matt and his crazy, mixed up view of the world, and my stupid fault for letting things go on like this for so long. I guess I thought that maybe he’d…” she heaved another sigh, “oh, I don’t know what I thought, but it’s not happening and it’s time to let go.”
Jordan didn’t know what to say to that. From what she’d seen of their relationship, Matt and Harriet were two people who seemed to need each other more than even they knew. They argued and bickered, sure, but they had some strange kind of co-dependent thing going on, and no one could deny that both of them were at their best professionally when they were working together. But then, Jordan sighed inwardly, what did she know? Her track record when it came to relationships was hardly stellar and now – well this latest development was a doozy.
She suddenly found the silence uncomfortable. “How are the rehearsals for the movie going?”
Harriet swallowed and nodded. “Pretty well, so far. I have to work on my accent a bit more though – I mean it’s okay, but it slips occasionally,” she shrugged, stabbing a tomato absently. “It’ll be fine.”
“Are the shooting dates set yet?”
“Yeah – Luke’s had them more or less worked out since Christmas, so it’s all looking good. Matt and -” she stopped mid sentence, smiling uneasily. “It’s all fine.”
Jordan wiped her mouth with a napkin. “It’s okay,” she said softly, “you can say his name. I mean, we’ve all got to work together, so it’s not like I can avoid him completely – it’s just … I can’t see him right now. I need things to settle down a bit, for him to realize what a bad idea it would be for us to... I’ll give it a few days, then maybe it won’t feel so awkward.”
“You think a few days will be enough to make it less awkward?”
Jordan slumped back in her chair. “Probably not.” She groaned and closed her eyes. “Oh, God, Harriet, what am I going to do?”
“About what?”
Jordan’s eyes snapped open as she sat upright. “About Danny!”
“Well – what do you want to do about him?”
“Right now? I could rip out his lungs with an ice-cream scoop! I mean, seriously, what on earth made him think - ?” She threw up her hands in exasperation. “It was just … humiliating!”
Harriet pursed her lips and nodded in agreement. “It was a stupid thing to do.”
“It was; and then, when I – wait.” Jordan frowned. “You know about the letters?”
Harriet cocked her head to the side. “I’m sorry, Jordan, but I think everyone in Hollywood knows about the letters.”
Jordan winced and let her head fall forward onto the desk.
“Yeah, I know about them.” Harriet hesitated briefly and then decided there was no point in trying to conceal anything. “Actually, Danny asked me to write one.”
Jordan straightened up immediately. “What?”
Harriet put out a hand when she spoke, adopting what she hoped was a soothing tone. “But I said no. I told him I thought it was a terrible idea and that if he needed to get other people to plead his case with you, then…” she shrugged. “But of course, once Danny gets an idea like that in his head, that’s it. And then, Matt… honestly the two of them are like a couple of frat-boys; they juice each other up and once that happens, there’s no talking either of them down.”
“Well, thank you for that, at least. Not contributing to the insanity, I mean.” Jordan rested her chin on her hand and blew out a breath. “I have to say though,” she smiled indulgently, “it’s not every day I get a hand-written fax from Marty Scorsese or Steven Spielberg. That was kinda cool...”
Harriet frowned. “Jordan?”
“… not to mention the fact that they actually did it for Danny, just like that - no questions asked - ”
“Jordan -”
“- if it wasn’t so stupid, it’d be sort of impressive, I guess…”
Harriet tried hard to hide her amusement. “Just like Danny, then.”
“Huh?”
“You know, stupid, but impressive?”
“What? Oh – no. No, no – it wasn’t impressive at all. Not really. Just… you know, stupid.”
“Yes.”
“And embarrassing.”
“I can see it would be, yes.”
Jordan’s forehead creased into a suspicious frown. “Why do I sense you’re not completely with me on this?”
“Oh, I’m completely with you. I’m just not sure you’re completely with you!”
“What?”
“Oh, come on. One minute you’re telling me how embarrassed and humiliated you were, the next you’re on the verge of writing him a recommendation yourself!”
“I wasn’t! I just -” Jordan threw up her hands in exasperation. “What is wrong with me? I mean here’s this guy. He’s cute, he’s funny, he’s successful, he’s smart, he’s cute -”
“You said that.”
“What?”
“That Danny’s cute – you said that already.”
“I did?”
Harriet cocked her head to the side, her lips pursed as she tried to prevent the escape of the huge grin that was threatening to spread across her face.
“What?” Jordan looked puzzled.
“Nothing.”
“No, come on. Say it.”
“It’s none of my business,” Harriet said, schooling her expression into something more serious.
“Please? I need to - I don’t know, work this out and I’m not doing so well with that on my own.”
Harriet stared at her for a second before she relented. “Okay – but seriously, I’m hardly an advertisement for how to have a healthy relationship.”
“Maybe not, but you’re all I’ve got right now.”
“Thanks!”
“Oh – sorry – I didn’t mean… that is …”
Harriet chuckled and held up her hands. “Jordan – it’s fine. Just - tell me what the problem is.”
“The problem?” Jordan began ticking off on her fingers. “I’m his boss. We have three marriages and divorces between us, he’s a recovering addict, I got arrested on a DUI eight years ago and my slime-ball of an ex-husband is hawking a book about the seedier side of our marriage. Oh, and there’s the small matter of my being pregnant by the guy who told me about Danny’s little slip with the coke which was the leverage I used to get him and Matt to come back to the show.”
“What?”
Jordan did a mental double take; “I – uh, never mind- ” and continued with her tirade, her voice rising in irritation. “I mean it’s not as though I haven’t got enough to deal with; then Danny announces to everyone who’s anyone in Hollywood that -” she waved her hands around agitatedly. “And when I told him to back off, he refused point blank. Can you believe it? Right to my face - ‘No’ - he won’t stop. But then - he stops! Just like that, he - ” Jordan stopped suddenly, taking in Harriet’s stunned expression. “How’s that for ‘the problem’?”
Harriet blinked. “That’s a lot of problems.”
“It is.”
“Except…”
“Except what?”
Harriet waved a hand dismissively and shook her head.
“No, what?” Jordan persisted.
Harriet shrugged and gave in. So much for telling herself to leave this alone. “You never said you didn’t like him.”
It was Jordan’s turn to emit an unladylike snort. “What is this, kindergarten?”
“I’m serious – all those things, they’re factors for sure, but surely, that should have been number one on your list – you wanted him to stop because you’re not interested.”
Jordan looked incredulous – and a little guilty. “Hm?”
“Jordan -”
She covered her face with her hands. “I don’t know what to think any more. I’ve known the man for barely three months when he tells me he’s falling in love with me -”
“He told you that?”
“Yes.”
“When?”
“During the Christmas show.”
“Wow.”
“I know -” she looked up, “it was kinda – Anyway, he told me that, then he just wouldn’t stop – he called practically every day I was at my parents’, he called me on vacation… I couldn’t think, I just didn’t -”
“That’s understandable – you needed time to think about it.”
“Yes! No – yes, I -”
Harriet set her salad carton down on the desk and wiped her hands on a napkin before continuing, quietly, “I’m probably the least qualified person I know to give any kind of relationship advice, Jordan.” She paused, considering. “Well, apart from Matt. Or Danny, for that matter. But you got what you wanted. He’s stopped.”
“He has. He said … yes he has.”
“Yes, he has.” Harriet sat back, eyeing her friend studiously for a few seconds. “Jordan, if you could see your face right now…”
“What?”
“I guess it shows you should be careful what you wish for, because you might just get it.”
Jordan opened her mouth to speak – but couldn’t think of anything to say in response. Much as she hated to admit it, even if only to herself, Harriet had hit uncomfortably close to home with that remark. Jordan had asked Danny to leave her alone and despite his insistence to the contrary, he’d complied with her request. He’d not come over to her office on some pretext or other, he hadn’t called her… She hadn’t seen or spoken to him for almost two days and was surprised to find she missed that.
She missed him.
“So think about it,” Harriet continued softly. “The marriages, the drugs, work…the baby. You can’t tell me they’re things Danny hasn’t thought about either. I know him; he works out every angle before he does anything – well, mostly, he does.”
Jordan sighed; she knew Harriet was right – Danny might have been a little hasty, but she couldn’t deny that he’d thought things through. He’d voiced her objections before she’d even had a chance to consider them herself. “I guess he did. He said he -” she took a deep breath. “He told me he wasn’t a woman’s dream of a man – or a father. A father, Harry. When I thought about that, it – it freaked me out. He just stood there and offered to be my baby’s father. What kind of guy does that? How many men do you know who wouldn’t have run away screaming at the thought of taking on another man’s child?”
Harriet said nothing as Jordan shot her a bemused look and dropped her head into her hands. “Oh, God, I just answered my own question, didn’t I?”
“Pretty much.”
“But what if…” Jordan looked up again. “What if he’s just doing this because he feels sorry for me or something? I mean, maybe he’s got some kind of white knight complex and he thinks I’m a damsel in distress -”
Harriet couldn’t suppress a snort of laughter. “I’m sorry – I just got this image of Don Quixote and Sancho Panza -”
“Harry! Seriously, Danny’s just back on the wagon; what if this is all some kind of withdrawal high, or he’s looking for some way to, I don’t know, atone for his slip up, and we – And then he realizes it’s wrong for him? He’s a good guy, he’ll do the right thing, and then he’ll resent me and the baby, and then when it’s older, he’ll leave and my child will grow up without a father and -”
“Hey – just calm down and take a breath once in a while, would you? I mean, you haven’t even been on a date with him!”
Jordan looked startled, but to Harriet’s surprise she did as she was told, taking a couple of deep breaths before closing her eyes and leaning back in her chair.
“That’s it though, really, isn’t it?” Harriet continued cautiously. “The marriages, the addiction, they’re not the real reasons you asked him to leave you alone, are they?”
Jordan’s protest was immediate. “Yes!” She sighed as Harriet shot her a pointed look. “At least, I think… Not really.” She shook her head. “It’s a mess. I’m a mess.”
“No it’s not – and neither are you. Well, maybe just a little…” Harriet grinned, relieved to see a smile twitching at the corners of Jordan’s mouth. “It makes perfect sense,” she continued more seriously, getting up to perch on the edge of the desk. “It’s not just you any more. You’re going to be someone’s mother and that’s a wonderful, wonderful thing. It’s also a scary thing and a huge responsibility. I have no idea how I’d react in your situation and I have to say, I admire you for the way you’re handling it. And all those things you’re thinking and feeling… well, I guess you’d be an irresponsible future parent if you weren’t thinking them.” Harriet paused and smiled fondly. “But you’re still entitled to think about what you want and what’s best for you at the same time as you’re thinking about what’s best for the baby. That’s all I’m saying.” She got up and walked back to the other side of the desk, picking up the empty cartons and stuffing them into a bag for the trash.
“I wouldn’t write a letter – but I’ll tell you this. Danny’s a good man. One of the best. If you’re lucky enough to have him for a friend, then there’s nothing he won’t do for you. He’s brilliant, he’s charming, he’s opinionated and he can be annoyingly smug. He’s far from perfect and he’s had his problems, but in all the time I’ve known him I can put my hand on my heart and say that he’s never been anything less than completely honest.” She chuckled softly. “Brutally so, at times.”
Jordan sat silently, staring absently at one of the pictures on the wall as she considered - not for the first time over the last couple of days - the possibility that she may have made a mistake by telling Danny so unequivocally to leave her alone. Maybe she should have told him she needed time to think, or that she wanted to take things slow, or that she didn’t want to rush into anything under the circumstances… But instead she’d panicked, trotted out a whole slew of excuses and pushed him away. And if she was honest with herself, she’d have to admit that was really the last thing she’d wanted to do. Because - to use Harriet’s expression - she did like Danny. A lot. And that, in itself, scared her. She’d never been particularly lucky with men and now, as Harriet rightly said, she had more than just herself to consider. She was trying to be rational, to think about consequences and possible outcomes, to do the best thing for herself and for her baby. But -
But right now, she realized, all this thinking and considering was starting to give her a headache.
“You know,” Harriet continued, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear as she sat down, “this might be difficult to believe, but Danny’s an old-fashioned guy when it comes to women.” She smiled, mischievously. “He is, as you say, cute, so he has his fair share of them throwing themselves at him.”
Jordan put out a hand. “Harry, you don’t have to -”
“I know,” Harriet nodded. “I meant it would be easy for Danny to, I don’t know, have a different woman every night if he wanted to. But he doesn’t do that any more.” She paused, leaning forward in her chair. “I didn’t know his first wife, and I only met the second a few times - and that was when things were pretty much on the rocks between them. I can’t tell you why either marriage failed. But one thing I can tell you - he’s the last guy who’d ever tell a woman he felt something for her that he didn’t. In case you hadn’t noticed, he’s pretty big on honesty.”
Jordan managed a shaky grin. “You couldn’t have faxed me all that?”
Harriet shook her head. “I’m sorry if that was out of line. It’s just - you’re my friend. And he’s my friend, too, and you’re both walking around looking so…” she threw up her hands, “miserable. And I’m miserable, and Matt’s – well, I don’t know what Matt is, but -” She heaved a sigh. “He’d probably say I should stop trying to be a yenta - but it would be nice if someone around here caught a break once in a while.”
Jordan raised an eyebrow. “Can a Southern Baptist be a yenta?”
“Oh, shut up.” Harriet grinned good-naturedly and stood up as a brisk knock at the door heralded the appearance of Kevin. “Your two o’clock’s here.”
“Oh,” Jordan looked down at the remainder of her lunch. “I’ll just be – um…”
He smiled knowingly and nodded. “Ten minutes?”
“Thank you.” She finished her sandwich and picked up a chocolate donut.
Harriet smiled to herself and picked up her things, glancing at her watch. “I have to go fight with Matt now anyway – it’s Wednesday, so he’ll be freaking out over how much more he has to write for this week’s show.”
Jordan chuckled. “It’s weird, but it’s kinda sweet how you know that.”
“It’s not just plain weird?”
“Well, yeah, but it’s still sweet.”
Harriet shook her head, her smile turning wistful. “Matt and I are many things, but sweet isn’t the word I’d use to describe us right now. If it ever was.”
Jordan shrugged. “You’ll figure it out.”
“I don’t know. It’s like – we’re too broken now to fix. And I don’t know if I want to fix it any more. It’s just so… hard. And it hurts too much.”
Jordan couldn’t really think of an answer to that, so she just shrugged. “‘Tis better to have loved and lost…’?”
Harriet smiled sadly. “There are times when I wonder if Shakespeare knew what he was talking about.” Reaching the door, she paused briefly before turning and saying brightly, “See you tomorrow.”
“Yup – seven o’clock. I’ll be there.”
“You’re sure it’s - ?”
Jordan waved a hand. “It’s fine. I can’t hide from Danny forever, right? And in any case, we’re not going to be hanging around over there, so if I see him, I’ll be civil – say a quick hello, then you and I can go. It’s not like I’m going to be stuck with him all night, is it?”
Harriet opened the door. “Nah,” she smiled over her shoulder. “Life’s not that cruel!”
End.
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Date: 2007-04-15 09:55 pm (UTC)I'm glad the M/H stuff worked for you. They weren't meant to be the focus (obviously!) but I wanted to dissect their relationship a little as well.
Glad you liked it!
*goes back to writingJ/D smut*.